Lana
Never knew it existed, never realized at least … Until about a week or two ago I was talking with a colleague about her great love, about what he still had to process and about waiting for him … They both felt their love to the depths of their fibers … She said that no one in her circle of friends understood her … But I felt something … I understood it completely … She said that I should go and google “twinflames” …
Actually I had forgotten that again, until she sent me the link … I went to look and knew it, I felt it … I don’t know whether we are twinflames, but I don’t doubt for a moment that it is about soul love … Right now I am farther than he is … He does not (I think) have a clue that this exists … At least there is a description of what we feel at all …
We met 13 years ago through a chat box. We immediately had a click. In a bold mood we agreed to meet each other. Me together with a friend, you together with a friend, because to meet each other was far too exciting … We saw each other, you asked me if it was me and I said “no” … But still we went to you later and I said it was me anyway … The first contact went a bit awkward … Still we continued to visit each other on chat and later we agreed to meet again … From that moment on, there was no stopping it … We had long discussions , together in the pub, both actually unable to stop, every time until closing time … He then always waiting for the night bus,
We had a very deep, deep friendship, I had never had such deep conversations with anyone … I was in love, very much in love … I never dared to admit it when … I was in a relationship that was actually already ending, he had also a relationship … We have spent so many hours with each other, shared so much with each other, indescribable … Can not be put into words … Deep, intense …
Because we were both in a relationship, although my relationship was descending, we never really admitted to each other what we felt for each other … We also never really told what was going on between us in our own relationship … My partner at the time was actually already busy with “saying goodbye” to me and really just wanting me to be happy … Maybe with him … But yes, I was still anxiously holding on to what I had …
The obstacles we encountered at the time were our relationships … If we hadn’t been in it, I wouldn’t know what would have happened between us at the time …
At that time, all those years ago, we did not know what we wanted from each other … I was really in love, but did not dare to admit it to myself … What he felt, he never told me when … Well it was clear that something went very deep between us …
And then suddenly there was a moment when we no longer had contact with each other … What the reason is, we both actually don’t know anymore … Suddenly it just wasn’t there anymore … I got a new relationship and he didn’t fit in that picture anymore or so … I don’t know …
Until about half a year ago … Suddenly we got in touch again, first via Linkedin, then via Facebook … And what I, but also he hadn’t thought possible, happened … We got back to talking, our conversations just seemed to continue to go where we had stopped some 13 years ago … As if it had never been in between for some time … And again we both felt it … Now we are so far that we dare to admit to each other that we are sitting very deeply together … But also that we just don’t know what to do with it … We both really want to meet again, not just through chat, but just in real life … But we don’t dare, we don’t know what the consequences are We are both in a relationship, I with children, he without, but both for quite some time … My partner “knows” nothing,his partner knows something … I don’t know what she knows exactly … We set a date to meet and at the very last moment he canceled it because he had told everything … I don’t know what “everything” is yet …
It is not satisfactory for me at the moment … I do not yet know what place he can have in my life, at what place I want him in my life, I do not know what he wants from him either …
The most beautiful and special thing that has happened between us is actually that six months ago we could just continue where we left off … It was something so incredible, something so indescribable to feel … The realization, the feeling that between two people can exist, despite the fact that they are normally well-grounded in reality … Feeling that something like this can exist between two people … So incredibly special … So intense …
In the beginning, all those years ago, we shared the bed once … Not even with the intention that … But it was inevitable … Because it was so incredibly long ago, I really can’t remember the details … And that is also what I said to him: feelings are the best memories for me …
If I had to describe my soul love-love feeling, it is actually impossible to express in words … I can only feel it … I feel it, I feel its “presence” to the depths of my soul, to the depths of my heart, down to the deepest point of my body … My arms in particular often make me realize: hey ….
It is indescribable how this feels …
I’m waiting … I don’t even know what I’m waiting for … He said to me: leave the initiative to me for a moment … And I will leave it now …
I have never doubted for a single second that I am all about it would set the game for someone other than my partner and my children … I don’t even dare to think … But he …
I can’t describe how this feels …