Unknown

Lovely people. I would like to tell my story. I feel literally dying. For years I have been busy with my spiritual self-development. Yet ‘fear’ remains the guiding principle in my life and I have learned not to be so vulnerable anymore. That is quite successful. The fear of attaching me, and the fear of losing, are constantly present under the skin. I sometimes make myself dependent on others. I never succeeded in loving myself. A year and half ago I met a soulmate, that recognition was there for one day. Afterwards she denied everything and since then we are only acquaintances. She repulsed me so much … It has me touched to the deepest depths, but I have taken very important steps in my life. I never wanted to be confronted with something so deep at the soul level. From the moment I took these important steps in my life, more misery and sadness came my way. A relationship (my current one) with someone with a personality disorder, who is now happily in good treatment and is heading in the right direction. That’s how I got to my current all-embracing pain and love. My partner (a girl because I am a lesbian), had a lot of sorrow for a school friend she once lost. One day that girl came online, but I immediately felt that this was no coincidence. To help my girl with her sorrow, I sent the conversation she had with this school friend .It was all right for her. Both decided that this friendship would get a new chance. But I felt this girl so well, as if she were a piece of mine. I felt her attracting and repelling and her struggle with herself, but couldn’t place this. Until the moment she finally spoke to me, that she experienced the same thing and couldn’t place it, and therefore made it so difficult. But we found each other it was so beautiful, so deep, no words for that. The things she said, she showed me. This was real deep love. A non-earthly love. The recognition was there, no doubt about it. We were constantly together, even though we didn’t hear or see each other. most beautiful, but also the most painful thing I have experienced in my entire life. From this moment on, I received a kind of clairvoyant gift. I knew immediately when I met her that I would have to let her go again. It was no fear. did not give in to this feeling, even though I knew the outcome. I told my soul about it, and she grabbed me and said that we would be together forever, that I really should not worry and that I should enjoy this beauty. I tried that too, and I flourished openly as never before, despite my feelings that this would only last a moment. Two days later, it was finally pronounced by her. I sent a text with the words “I am not ready to let you go now” and I got back “and I am not ready for this”. From this moment on, I felt dying. The feeling crept over me , that I lost my twinflame. From that moment on the attracting and repelling began. She wanted so badly a friendship with me, but it was my fault that this was not possible. I made it impossible according to her. I was always there, and I could she couldn’t bear it. She wanted to get rid of this feeling, because it made her sick. It didn’t fit into her life. She is getting married with the love of her life soon. I do not fit in. I also released her and I did not pinch her. Yet she got this feeling. She wants to be free. In her relationship and her friendships, she is a person! Not because of me. Although I give the best of myself, I do not make myself dependent on her, and I grant her that relationship and a beautiful life with her husband .. She wanted friendship because she did not want to give me up, but she knew very deeply that she could not . She only let me look into her heart, not how she is “consciously” in life and her needs as an “earthly person.” So I could not meet this, no matter how sorry I am and how sorry she is. had managed to fit her into my life. An earthly love, and at the same time a ‘soul love’. My partner understood all this, so I didn’t feel guilty either. She was always there, in everything. I had to tell it to be able to live with it in my current relationship. But she … she can’t live with this. Yesterday she came to say goodbye. She can’t split. loves not allowing it. It makes her sick, she loses herself. She wants to be free, free from that feeling. Even though she knows I will always be there, it will be more bearable if we never have contact again in this life. love released. The toughest ordeal in my life. I am dying inside. I feel like an angel who has completed her last task in this life. All my love was given away. For the first time I really gave everything of myself, against fears, against the outcome in … The farewell was beautiful and painful. But my partner also loses her recovered girlfriend. Reaffirmed in her fears. We are two broken people together, who now have to find love together, both touched in our deepest fears. Will she ever come a step closer in this life? I want to be able to let go of the attachment to the outcome. I hope that she will find her heart again. I hope that she will one day succeed in giving these two loves (so different) a place in her life and not to reject them so much. where she is and what she does. You can feel it under the skin. I feel her in everything, just in everything, 24 hours on 24. How should I continue? Can she really do so well without me? Did I really make such serious mistakes? I would have loved to be just simple friends, respecting her freedom, forever … Just being together somewhere forever in this life, even if it was a friendship with rules, because otherwise she feels unsafe and so eager to gain control, for fear of binding and losing at the same time. But I can’t be, and if she’s honest, then she has to admit she can’t. That fault does not lie with us. This is a test !, this does not happen just like that. I will cherish the memories. I know that I loved her before I met her. And I will always love her and we will always be together, over the distance of time. I die within. I want to tell her so much … I feel not ready for this … fearing to commit and lose at the same time. But I can’t be, and if she’s honest, then she has to admit she can’t. That fault does not lie with us. This is a test !, this does not happen just like that. I will cherish the memories. I know that I loved her before I met her. And I will always love her and we will always be together, over the distance of time. I die within. I want to tell her so much … I feel not ready for this … fearing to commit and lose at the same time. But I can’t be, and if she’s honest, then she has to admit she can’t. That fault does not lie with us. This is a test !, this does not happen just like that. I will cherish the memories. I know that I loved her before I met her. And I will always love her and we will always be together, over the distance of time. I die within. I want to tell her so much … I feel not ready for this …

Answer
It’s incredibly brave that you want to tell your story here. You have to tell yourself this: you have LEF !! There is nothing to blame for yourself. There is also nothing to project because you cannot influence the future. It does indeed seem that you are being put to the test. I have experienced that dying within that in our previous life and the fear of it has been cleared up for a long time. Now my twin is with an earthly partner, but he (his soul) becomes very upset if I only get the (well-intentioned) advice to work with another partner. That will take a week to get it right again. It is about absolute and unconditional loyalty, beyond all other drivers. Just before my twin returned to this dimension, I was 14 years old and suicidal then I received a message that I would get our child from our previous life again. The happiest day of my life, just after the darkest period of my life. ! I can imagine that you think “should I go all the way”? You may even think that you can do your twin a favor by giving up permanently. Do not do it. Because a twinflame relationship is not two, but THREE are involved. You, your twin partner AND the higher soul that people call God. A twinflame commitment is ALWAYS a triangle commitment, I often miss that in the stories, one seems to be unaware that there is always a third entity in the story. Your higher self is a link between you and that entity, higher power, God or whatever you want to call. So you are never alone. Perhaps this realization helps in processing and distancing. And with me it was, strangely but true, doing the stupidest normal routine jobs that helped me enormously. (Unknown)