Unknown
I met him in a bizarre way 4 years ago. It was May 2013 when I was added by someone on Facebook. The photo I saw immediately gave me a sense of recognition, but I could not place that. Immediately there was a strong feeling that I knew that boy, very well indeed! There was one thing that was wrong, namely his name. Something in me immediately said that this was a fake profile. Nevertheless, I accepted him and so I wrote in writing for a few weeks. Despite “knowing” that this was not the person in the photo, I wanted to find out as much as possible about this person. On photos I had already seen that he even had the same tattoo as me. I also spoke out loud to everyone; I’m going to meet this man someday, there’s something special about this. 2 months later, July 2013, I came to a festival. Deep inside I knew I was going to see him, and this happened! I saw him standing among 50,000 people, it was as if something called me inside “look to the right” and there he stood! Nothing in me doubted, I had to go there to ask what his name was, and I did this. I will never forget the moment I tapped him on the shoulder. He looked at me and immediately there was a surprise with the both of us, a feeling of WoW who are you ?! We started talking and exchanged numbers. Although he was in a relationship, he had a strong feeling that we had to keep in touch. Beautiful! Because I felt that too! I will never forget the moment I tapped him on the shoulder. He looked at me and immediately there was a surprise with the both of us, a feeling of WoW who are you ?! We started talking and exchanged numbers. Although he was in a relationship, he had a strong feeling that we had to keep in touch. Beautiful! Because I felt that too! I will never forget the moment I tapped him on the shoulder. He looked at me and immediately there was a surprise with the both of us, a feeling of WoW who are you ?! We started talking and exchanged numbers. Although he was in a relationship, he had a strong feeling that we had to keep in touch. Beautiful! Because I felt that too!
It was as if time stood still, and nothing around us was still moving. I remember thinking “am I dreaming now or is this really happening”! As if I looked myself in the eye, as if I had known him all my life and even before that. This had nothing to do anymore with falling in love, but with a certain feeling of coming home. I was immediately certain that this man would never disappear from my thoughts, not for a moment. He also knew immediately that this was something special, but only “woke up” later and started to read about it. When I got home from the party I added it to Facebook, and of course deleted and blocked the fake profile. A day later when I just said hi, he suddenly removed me without saying anything else. Afterwards he was startled by the feelings that this had caused. The strange thing is that even at that moment I knew for sure that he would contact again. 1 month later, indeed I received a message from him. It did not let him go and if I wanted to meet with him to discuss the “fake profile situation”. Afterwards this was also an excuse to make contact with me and get to know me that way. It was a great day that unleashed a lot in me, including him. At that time my twin was in a relationship so it was difficult to continue this contact. We took a break, but still had regular contact via whatsapp. It was a great day that unleashed a lot in me, including him. At that time my twin was in a relationship so it was difficult to continue this contact. We took a break, but still had regular contact via whatsapp. It was a great day that unleashed a lot in me, including him. At that time my twin was in a relationship so it was difficult to continue this contact. We took a break, but still had regular contact via whatsapp.
For the past 4 years our “relationship” has been a friendship with mixt feelings. Deep inside we knew what was going on, but didn’t know what to do with it. Partly because of this we have often broken the contact, usually from his side. For a long time I thought that his relationship got in the way of us, but in the meantime I know that our karma is far more important than that. His relationship has ended since last May. Despite the fact that my twin lives almost 200 km from me, fate always brings us in contact again. This contact was established by chance the last time and we slowly sought each other out again. At the beginning of August it suddenly went very quickly. He came to me and that evening something physical happened between us for the first time. Finally after all these years there was a fusion that felt perfect. That evening we made the craziest plans and world ideas again, we finally laughed at life together. I thought. We decided to go on holiday together, since we both had a week off. We really did this impulsively as we are and it was the most perfect week ever, but also the most emotional. Something in me knew that a silence would follow after this week. That I had to let him go again, and this also happened. My twin has lost himself right now, just like I lost myself years ago. I understand him better than anyone and I know I have to let him stand this phase, “but without me. I wanted to first break the contact after this vacation because it is too heavy for me. He started to deny our band and suddenly wanted to put me in the “just friends, buddies” box. These lies hurt so much.
My twin was in a relationship for the past 4 years and she immediately hated me. She saw, just like everyone else, that something special was going on here and that she could never get involved. Over the years I also had relationships and my partners didn’t want to know anything about him. I always felt guilty towards my partner because I would think of my twin every night. I dreamed about my twin and still knew for sure that he would one day end up with me. Not a day went by that I didn’t think about him and this makes it a debilitating agony. Every other relationship feels like a lie.
There were obstacles … Initially his relationship, but at the moment our karma. Sometimes I want to shift everything to his karma, but I too am not completely in life as I would like to. I only realized this today. It seems to me that I am the one who has everything in a row, a job, a house, a dog, but am I 100% satisfied with all this? Nope. I also dream of other things and live in fears. My twin is currently fighting himself, and therefore also us. He not only denies our connection but also his own personality. Without further explanation or reporting he deleted me again, deleted all our photos and when I confronted him my number was blocked too. Now we are back again and I feel more broken than ever.
I have always wanted this love affair! I think my twin also deep down but he doesn’t always say this. The one time he says that one day we will be the perfect couple and have children together and start conquering the world. But sometimes, like now, he can also deny it and claim that our friendship is more important than that.
The kind of relationships that have … At the moment there is resistance, I think from both sides. Partly because of the intense emotions that our holiday has brought about, I think the weather was too much. I cry every day and have never felt so much pain and sorrow. I literally feel shoots of pain through my body, stabbing in my head as if someone is slapping it. Yet I also feel that warmth around my heart, which is always there when I think of him. Sometimes I also feel this warmth spontaneously, I think that is the moment that he also thinks of me. I’m confused, just like him. Our environment does not understand it, just like we do ourselves.
So far my love for the soul has brought me much joy and love, but also much sadness. Time and again breaking contact without explanation or explanation feels like a slap in the face. Far above this sadness is that he brings me over my fears. Although I’m afraid of the sea and fishing, I went swimming with him in the sea. I went down the scary slide in a water park, while I’m afraid of heights. With him I dare to take on the world, he makes me a better person and I do it again in other ways.
The most special thing for me was that we found each other again and again, despite blockages or the long distance. Looking back on every encounter, every encounter was wonderful and magical, but I think our vacation together was one of the most beautiful and difficult moments so far. Nothing about him annoyed me, everything went so perfectly and coordinated without prior agreement.
The first time eroticism felt very magical and went automatically. This happened twice more after this, but this immediately felt different, as if there was a blockage or distance that he wanted to keep. I think because the first time was so magical this would have been a shock again. Even without physical touch we can have sex with each other, so that alone goes way above everything else.
For me, the soul love feeling feels unconditional, a blessing but a curse at the same time. This feeling cannot be removed / turned off or ignored. Physically, this also does not feel like normal butterflies in your stomach. It feels more like a warmth, a vibration that glows throughout my body at all times of the day. The pain feels even more intense than normal. Literally the feeling of being amputated, knife stabbing everywhere and as if my heart is skipping or sometimes standing still.
No words to say … right now it feels like I can’t go on in this life anymore. The torment of being divorced is now so unbearable that I sometimes think that death would be even better than a life in this roller coaster. Of course I would never really want this, but sometimes it feels like the only solution to get rid of this
I will always look for his equal, but I will never find this. Many men passed by but nothing comes close to this form of love. Sometimes I also think that I will always remain alone because I will always keep looking for what does not exist. The man made for me is my twin and if I have to wait forever. Once again I cannot tolerate entering into a fake relationship.
I have told a lot but not everything. There is still so much in between, but then I can write a trilogy. Someday I want to write a book about this. This story is so special and not nearly finished. Perhaps also good to say is that from December 2016 I started writing a book for him, like a diary. At that time we also had no contact and I suddenly saw a nice blank book that I bought for him without thinking. Sometimes I wrote for a moment if I missed him or felt that there was something wrong with him, in retrospect this turned out to be the case around that time. I always thought “when I see him again, I’ll give him this book.” When I saw him again I told hek about this book, but decided not to give it yet. I knew that there were still many pages unwritten and it would be too good if the drama had already passed. Now after the last rejection action, I actually didn’t want to write anymore, I am so hurt at the moment, but still I continue. Afterwards this book will be of unprecedented value.
My tip: Don’t force anything, your twin will always find its way to you. Hold on to trust and know that everything will be fine, no mather what! Sometimes the feeling goes away for a moment, and the fear takes over from your confidence, but feel the warmth in your heart and embrace it. This has always kept me going and so I’m going to try to maintain this again, no matter how difficult the divorces are, every divorce is also a growth. Every new meeting with each other feels so different, so much better but also so familiar. These divorces and reunions are necessary to eventually find each other for good.
I am curious how other twins experience this and what they have done to endure the sadness and the pain. I am also curious about fellow sufferers who have gone through all the phases and have come together.
I have been reading blogs on this site for all those years (via Google I often automatically come across a recognizable written piece on this site) and am always very interested in the experiences of others.