Unknown

I find it very lonely. I don’t get it either. Sometimes I just think I’m crazy. I write about it in my diary because nobody reads it. All those feelings and things that I feel. I never talk to friends and family about it and they make me crazy. I do that often enough myself. This is a big step for me. I can hardly let go. I have often dreamed about him and I remember meeting a young boy when I was an adolescent. He gave me a fire but the lighter did not come on. I remember that he suddenly stood there and I was shocked because I really hadn’t done him at all and he wanted to offer me a fire because my lighter didn’t work. And neither did his. I looked him in the eyes and was a little shocked. He, too, I thought his eyes were very beautiful and had something familiar. Then his friends shouted that he was only 11. I didn’t believe he was a whole lot taller than me and also seemed older. Then he ran away. Years later I saw a photo, I thought the man in the photo was not very beautiful, but those eyes did not let go. And this has been going on for years and it is getting more intense. I cannot describe all those things that I go through every day, but in the end it makes me very lonely. I can address him via the internet I dare not have very good reason for that. That will not happen. Because of all that fear and doubt, I stay that way. And I do not want that. My world is getting smaller because fewer and fewer people still understand me and I have difficulty crawling out of my shell. I think so often that I am crazy and at the same time I firmly believe that we have a strong bond even though we have had no contact at all since that day. One half of the day I think I am crazy, the other half of the day I think we are a twinflame. In any case, I’m not getting much better. It hurts me and makes me very lonely …